Ah mommy groups……I can’t stand them. It’s not because I don’t enjoy being with other moms. In fact, we all need to be with other moms. It’s extremely important to our sanity and I am blessed to have found a small group of fellow moms who also like to keep it real. The trouble with most mommy groups is that they are supposed to be a safe place. A place where you can vent, share and feel like you really are doing ok, and you aren’t alone on this crazy journey. It should be a judgement free zone. Instead, when you express how worried you are about how little junior is barely speaking at the age of two, there is always some “helpful” member of the group who chooses that moment to announce that their precious angel was fluent in three languages at ten months of age. Or, the other member of the group who will tell you it’s because you haven’t enrolled junior in a high priced nursery school program where they teach Mandarin and Spanish. We need to stop this nonsense already. In my opinion mommy groups should be run more like AA meetings. Everyone sits down and one at a time each mom would stand up and make her declaration:
“Hello, my name is Mary, and I’m a mom. Last week I used jelly beans to bribe my toddler into silence during a dance recital for her sister. That’s right, sugary, filled with artificial colour and flavor, jelly beans. I’m not sorry and I’d do it again!”
“Hello, my name is Dana, and I’m a mom. I let my children watch television. TELEVISION. There is simply only so much finger painting a woman can stomach in a day.”
“Hello, my name is Anne, and I’m a mom. I bought cupcakes from the store and put them in a container from home to donate to the school bake sale. I said it, STORE BOUGHT CUPCAKES. In order to bake I would have to put my six month old down long enough to wash the dishes piled in my kitchen. It’s just not happening. ”
“Hello, my name is Ellen, and I’m a mom. I am pretty sure I hit Mary’s mini van in the parking lot before I came in. ”
“Hello, my name is Jamie, and I bed share. I got tired of nearly dropping my breastfeeding infant on the floor when I fell asleep watching The Late Show. Now, I take her to bed and we sleep. We SLEEP. It’s glorious. ”
“Hello, my name is Adrian, and I fed my toddler chicken nuggets and macaroni for dinner every night last week. Every damn night…..”
And instead of collective gasping , widened eyes, and terribly misguided and judgemental advice, everyone would simply be offered a hug, reassurance that their child or children will be just fine, and then they would serve cookies. Now THAT is a mommy group that even I would join.